Our vocation is to become great lovers. And this is not just a nice moral imperative. It is the way to guarantee the richest experience of life. Kathleen Raine, the Scottish poet, says that unless you see a thing in the light of love, you do not see it at all. Love is the light that allows us to see things as they are and as they can become.
It is not easy – it requires work. I like the story told by Stephen Covey, the author of, The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People, about love and marriage. A man approached him at a seminar explaining how worried he was about his marriage.
“I don’t love my wife anymore”. He explained. “What am I to do?”
“The feeling isn’t there anymore?” Covey checked with him.
“That’s right,” the man affirmed. “And we have three children”. “What I can do”?
“Love her,” Covey replied.
“I told you, the feeling isn’t there anymore,” replied the man
“Love her.” Covey repeated.
“You don’t understand. The feeling of love isn’t there.”
“Then love her. If the feeling isn’t there, that’s a good reason to love her.”
“But how do you love when you don’t love?”
“My friend, love is something you do! Love, the feeling – is fruit of love, the verb. So love her. Do it!”